rain rain

It's may, it's raining, and I'd love to be here, in this hammock, in the sun with my sweetie.

Mother's Day

Any day that requires me to stop just for second and contemplate how I am doing as a mother is a day that brings some apprehension. Sure, it's nice to have a 'day' but then again I find myself taking inventory on all the things I could do so much better as a mother. Nonetheless, I am appreciative for all the mothers around me who, in one way or another, have inspired me to be (or at least try to be)a better mother. I feel a deep gratitude for my little place in the lives of three beautiful spirits who like it or not, have been placed in my care.

Sometimes, I do wonder if I missed the memo for that seminar. You know the one where they tell you how to maintain composure at the end of the day when you have a headache, or whateverache, and are halfway through making dinner and realize the baby has ejected substance running down her leg, so you run down to change and bathe her, when suddenly you hear the clip clop of little goat hooves running through the kitchen and your four year old squealing with delight chasing after them. So while running back upstairs to catch the goats and holding your toddler like a football, you notice your five year old up on the counter cutting zucchini and putting it in the salsa. Yes, he is careful with a knife, but seriously.

Oh, and when you're feeding baby goats with a bottle and your baby's in your lap, try to pay enough attention as not to accidentally put the goat's bottle in your baby's mouth. crap!

I mentioned this to my Dad who just laughed and said, "well they're all kids anyway."

Yes, sometimes I need a time out, and I know it could always be worse. I am just glad for hot showers and a bathroom door that locks.

There are definitely the good days too. The ones where my kids discover they really are magic- or just have to show me how high they can jump, how fast they can run, or just how hard they can hug. Then off they run to school, turning only to blow kisses-and it might as well be my heart running down the sidewalk with a backpack on.

I have learned that motherhood can be a difficult job, but with it comes a salary of unmeasurable value.

Happy Mother's Day to all those wonderful mother's out there who continually brighten the path of those who are following.

and this is how i feel today

I drew this a while ago but today felt a bit like i had boulders on my shoulders.   The weight's there, but also little angels who help carry the burden.  Sometimes the angels are my kids (and sometimes the kids are the boulders!:)  and sometimes the angels are the friends and family around me. Needless to say, the trek continues, and lovely is the way when it's through the wildflowers.

And now just an update of the month of April.
April was a month of firsts somewhat.  In list form, here it goes.

1.  It was my first time attending General Conference at the conference center on Sunday morning, and I was blown away by the 

sheer magnitude of 

it all.  To hear 20,000 people singing at once is an experience on top of hearing the president of the church and apostles speak.  One of the photographers took our pictures and Sara thinks we will be in the Ensign if we all think it--(according to the law of attraction--...hmm)

2.  My sister Jenn surprised us by flying in from Florida  for Sara's birthday and we got to spend the entire weekend together.

3.  Malia has picked up walking and hasn't stopped 

since.  We also found out she likes to sleep upright like her uncle Andy. 

4.  Wes, who never sees a doctor, found himself in emergency laproscopic surgery for what the doctors thought was a closed loop valve in his intestines (blocked off) but turned out it was really just inflammed at the ilium, possible crohns but not sure.  He can't lift anything, including Malia for 2 weeks.   He is doing better thanks to prayers and good neighbors!

5.  I learned how to use a spin trimmer, scares me to death but I did it, because Wes isn't quite able at the moment.

6. I ran a half marathon, though I have done a few before, this one was a wee bit harder only because my ipod wouldn't work, and since I'm used to running with music, it was a mental challenge trying to push myself and keep my mind off the pain. I am already planning another but I think I will stick to triathlons and bike races, that is where my passion lies.

7.  I went and had a pedicure done and holy cow why haven't i gotton one before i dont know.  The best part was the foot massage-- although having toes I actually like to look at is nice too!

8. made snow forts one day and bike ride the next

9.  Babysitting pygmy goats this week for my sister and they are seriously cuddlier than puppies, and you feed them with a bottle, and they are so tough, they are such perfect little pets and I have decided we need an animal.

10.   Carson has suddenly developed a love for drawing and will go spend a good hour or two in the office drawing animals.   That's my boy

11.  I am expanding the garden.  Vinegar kills grass like a charm.  It also kills everything else.

12.  First time on a full-suspension mountain bike.  I admit I love hardtails but peer pressure sank it's little teeth into my decision and I think I like the new cushy ride!

14.  First time I've heard this quote and I love it:

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude. -Denis Waitley

I 've realized I blog a lot more when my blog is set on private, so that's where it's going.  I think I have everyone's email I had before, now you will just need to sign in.   If not let me know.

Time got away from me and Christmas activity overwhelmed my blogging mind.

So instead of trying to catch up all at once, I will try to do it little by little.  

Here is malia on her first birthday.   If I had to define joy, I'd draw her face.  She fills my heart to the brim with happiness.  Thanks for coming to us Malia!

Nine Years

We celebrated our anniversary last weekend and went up to Park City. I admit I wanted diamonds but only got squares.  We went skiing at the canyons(not recommended, ever) because we had free passes. We arrived pretty late, ate lunch, then spent the remainder of the day skiing down the only two runs they had open.  I really enjoyed just getting away and having fun with Wes. After that we went to Grub Steak, soo good food, soo good entertainment.  

We picked the kids up the next day, (thanks jim and julie for watching the kiddos) and then headed to a christmas party at my Moms.  We also got to see the lights this weekend at Temple Square which the kids loved. We bundled them up in all their snow gear till they had a hard time walking.  Morgan loved the "space room" where the Christus stands, Carson enjoyed getting to walk around the temple and Malia just stared in awe at the lights, making soft little noises every once in a while.  It was definitely worth taking them.  I wish I had taken my camera, but got some pics on my phone-I will try to post those soon.

Malia is about 9 1/2 months now and is a fast little crawler. She loves crawling up the stairs and loves to get right in with whatever Morgan and Carson are playing. She and Morgan have such a sweet little bond.  I took Malia in for her well check and they had to prick her heal for a routine hemoglobin check. She cried and cried.  After calming her down a bit I looked over at Morgan who had his head buried in his coat.  He was quietly sobbing along with little Malia.   He looked up and simply said. "when she hurts, I hurt."  He has such a tender little heart. He treats her so sweetly, making sure she doesn't put anything in her mouth, telling her what a pretty little baby she is and he even makes a little heart shape with his hands to her when he leaves.  She in turn, loves to laugh at him and give him kisses.

 He noticed all her little bows and flowers and wanted to put them in her hair. All of them. So we did! then we put her in a pot.

It was also fun to see her stare in bewilderment at the lights we put up, so we let her examine them a little more closely.  For now, our tree is decorated, with all the ornaments on the top half of the tree.